Monday, January 3, 2011

Go without, til the need seeps in.

The other night, while listening to The Shins, I took note of the above lyrics from the song 'Sleeping Lessons'. I've always liked this line, but this time it stirred much thought in my thought hungry brain.

Did you know that over 50% of the human population make a new years resolution? Yep, that's right. Over 50%. That statistic is so ridiculous it makes me wince, but somebody (on the news may I add) felt the need to share it. Anyway, last year I made a new years resolution that I had much difficulty defining. The first time I told somebody, they told me it sounded selfish, and although it kind of was, I didn't think I had worded it quite properly (an ongoing battle I have between my brain and my mouth). Since that first time, I attempted to explain it many ways, each explanation receiving an odd facial expression and head nod from the question asker/s of the conversation. I should have just gone with something simple and usual.

So, as I think I've almost hit the nail on the head when it comes to explaining it, my new years resolution of 2010 was to do things more for the reason that they felt right to me, as opposed to doing them because I felt I had to from society's ideas of me or other peoples opinion. The reason I made this resolution was because it seemed to me like my unhappiness was a direct result of the decisions I had been, or had been avoiding to, make. I figured out this was because I was making these decisions for the wrong reasons, and it was time to fix this. For an over thinker, I wasn't putting enough valuable thought into the things I was deciding to do, and it really wasn't working for me. Surprisingly.

When I made this new years resolution, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. I don't think I realised that I was about to attempt to change the way I made every single, little and big, decision. I was hunting happiness, in a way. First, this new way of thinking made me question the way I thought in general. Why I liked the things I liked, and if I actually really did like the things I liked. For instance, do I actually like cake, or do I just like it because it's accepted that cake is a nice thing? It turns out that I do really like cake.

But it also made me reconsider and change a lot of significant things, such as decisions I had made in 2009, and wa la, I was happier. It made me reconsider and change the way that I allowed people to treat me, and wa la, I was happier. It made me really think about how I deal with men, and wa la, that gave me a frick load to think about.

For I, as all have done, had made some very silly decisions when it comes to how I deal with the opposite sex. I was tip-toeing around when I should have been stomping on feet, and doing the opposite. It was getting me nowhere.

This change of thinking when it came to men, unfortunately, resulted in a very, very, very long stream of nothingness. I could sustain interest in one person for a week, tops. I'd meet somebody and think they were the best thing since sliced bread (and I am a very big fan of sliced bread), and then a short time later, I'd completely loose interest. But it was better I kept looking past these small infatuations, then get myself into another situation that wasn't going to bring me happiness or satisfaction. I was waiting for that effortless attraction. That's why the lyrics stood out to me, "Go without, til the need seeps in". That's what I was doing, in a sense; waiting for the need. And eventually, it did actually get me somewhere! I ended the year with somebody who's keep my interest for well over a week, and makes me so unbelievably happy. Wa la! Definitely worth it.

So not only did I manage to keep a new years resolution (I wonder how many out of the very significant statistic, 50% of the population, actually do that), but it actually made a massive impact on the way that I make decisions, and has resulted in notably high happiness levels. Even though I had much success with my new years resolution last year, I've decided not to make one this year. I'm happy with how things are going right now, so why change it? Instead I shall continue with last years decision of decision making and see if it continues working.